Several years ago, I had the pleasure of resuscitating my husband’s grandmother.

It was touch and go for the majority of the ambulance ride to the hospital. (I’m a “load and go” type of gal. Some paramedics like to work on the scene, but I know my limitations and prefer to work on the way to a medical facility where they can continue what I start.) She had been in sustained v-tach for an unknown length of time and was extremely weak and diaphoretic when I arrived. She had actually been just commenting to family on scene about the beautiful “gold ceilings”. I was able to administer medicine to tame her irritable heart and coax it back into a more life-sustaining rhythm on the way to the hospital, but for a moment or two… I just wasn’t sure it was going to work and this is what she kept repeating as she started to drift off:

“If I go or if I stay… I’m a winner either way.”

Wow.

That still sticks with me. Most people are frightened or complaining of pain. She had a sweet, sweet smile on her face. She didn’t complain when I was unable to start her IV on the first attempt. (Starting an IV going what felt like 90 miles an hour down a curvy, country road is a bit challenging to say the least… Did I mention I was pregnant at the time? LOL)

I want that kind of faith. That assuredness. It awes and humbles me.

On the other hand… lately, I have not felt like a winner either way– especially when it comes to taking little ones to the doctor. Two weeks ago, my youngest had what appeared to absolutely be a UTI. Took her in, clean urinalysis… start meds just in case while waiting for the urine culture because she had classic signs of a UTI. Nope. No UTI. Could have waited it out and she would have gotten over it just the same.

Tuesday, she wakes with a fever again.

This time, I think, I have learned. We will wait.

I end up waiting all of 24 hours before her fever keeps climbing and she starts complaining of ear pain. Take her in… her eardrum has ruptured.

Probably shouldn’t have waited.

*sigh*

Motherhood is like that, though.

We do our best but it doesn’t always turn out perfect.

Ultimately, I am a winner either way… even when it feels like I’m in the middle of a big losing streak!